Over the last three weeks I have been encouraging you to have a ‘heart of honour’ so that our community of faith and you individually might live in a Culture of Honour. Over this time I have suggested to you that the way we do that is by pouring our strength into the lives of those around us. This week just past I asked you to believe and affirm that if we are to live in a ‘covenant of love’, then …..
“my life is committed to your life”
“we are better together – we are stronger together”
I credit Ps Danny Silk and Ps Bill Johnson with unpacking and teaching me these biblical truths. In a blog by Danny Silk April 2012 “Culture and Confrontation” he goes on to say …..
We honor our children by giving them powerful choices. We honor our friends and spouses by helping them maximize their potential. We honor our leaders by supporting and strengthening them. Honor focuses on empowering the people around us, no matter who they are, or what their gender, age, status or role. Honor is led by love. And when we honor, we are protecting and nurturing our connections with each other. Our goal is to establish and maintain authentic relationship, rather than dominate another person. Honor communicates, ‘My relationship with you is more important than you doing what I want you to do.’
The result of a culture of honor is progress and momentum. It looks like powerful people running together – bound by covenant relationships – untethered by fear and control. Sound good? It is! In fact, it’s heavenly! But like everything in God’s Kingdom, there is a divine tension. It can get messy, it is risky and you can get hurt. When you give the people around you permission to be powerful and control themselves, there is the definite possibility they will use that freedom to excuse selfish behavior. Therefore, the skills of confrontation are indispensable.
Confrontation of sin can feel very threatening, and for some, may have ended disastrously in the past! The good news is honest communication doesn’t have to unravel into disconnection. It’s purpose is to respectfully expose areas needing strength and grace. In the process we are letting the person know how our experience of their behavior is affecting us. For example, “When you do this, it scares me.” It’s important to understand your motive behind your communication. When we confront in an honoring way, the goal is to define the problem (if there is indeed one), not to bully or manipulate a confession.
The important question is, ‘what is the problem’? So instead of using judgment or punishment to gain control out of chaos, we honor each other by “restoring gently” (Galatians 6:1).
Jesus doesn’t use His power to control us, nor does He desire to.
If you want to be a control freak, then begin with YOU!
The key is to check your heart: When you confront others, it should be motivated by love and a desire for the success of the other person, not a need for control in the situation. Remember, a culture of honor will be messy at times, but ultimately exquisite in God’s sight, because we are valuing the purpose He designed for each of His sons and daughters.
I have adapted this blog for your prayerful consideration. The last thought I’d like to leave you with this week is …..
Are you focused on seeing the success of the person next to you, no matter who they are – or where they are at?